


The Monster in the Mirror

by buckybarnes_fangirl (hamburr_fangirl)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Identity Issues, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Kind of Sad Ending, M/M, Poor Loki (Marvel), Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 01:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr_fangirl/pseuds/buckybarnes_fangirl
Summary: Loki is up late at night, reading a children's tale from his childhood. Tony finds him later, surrounded by glass, crying.





	The Monster in the Mirror

Loki sat at his desk, eyes scanning back and forth. The book that lay before him was a children's book. One that his caretaker would read to him as a child. His hands shook as he flipped the pages, the illustrations jumping out at him, taunting him.

The tale was that of a young boy who had ventured out of his home late at night. The little boy went to the woods, hoping to find some medicine for his ill mother. As he explored the forest, he came across a blue giant that resided there. He was scared of such a strange creature, but out of desperation, begged the giant to aid him. The giant agreed and led him deep into the forest. The ending was a gruesome one. The giant, instead of leading the small boy to some medicine, led him to other blue giants. As it turned out, these blue giants loved to eat humans and they were hungry. The boy is cooked and eaten, and the giants go to his mother's home to eat her as well.

It was quite a popular fable among Asgardians, as it teaches their children that all Jotun, or blue giants, are monsters. Well, Loki presumes that the message is supposed to be to stay in your homes when it becomes dark because if you don't, the nasty, horrible and evil Jotuns will come and eat you.

There were more tales like the one before him, using Jotuns to teach children the rights and wrongs of the world. Listen to your parents, don't go outside when it is dark, follow the rules, etc. If you don't do these things, the evil Jotuns will snatch you away, eating you or taking you to their homeland to perish in the cold.

Children in Asgard grew up with these tales and passed them on to their own children. Loki grew up with these tales. Since he was just a boy, it had been drilled into him that Jotuns were mindless beasts, only thirsty for blood and chaos.

Loki shut the book, tears slipping from his face. His fists clenched and he squeezed his eyes closed. He couldn't be one of those beasts, it simply wasn't possible! He was a prince of Asgard, not some mindless, bloodthirsty monster that hunted for children in the night.

 _But aren't you?_ A voice whispered.  _You killed thousands in New York. You nearly destroyed the entire race of Jotuns! Does that not make you the worst of the worst?_

Loki opened his eyes. He stared at the cover of the book. The young boy was looking up innocently at the hideous Jotun which was towering over him.

"I'm not a monster..." He whispered. "I'm not!"

_How can you be so sure? You were a prince of Asgard, destined for greatness. And yet... You failed Odin. He never loved you. Why would he? You're a monster, bloodthirsty and evil. You've killed without hesitation. You attacked your own brother!_

Loki's eyes widened and he whirled around, expecting someone to be there. And yet no one was there, except his own pitiful reflection. He watched with horror was green eyes turned red and milk white skin morphed into an ugly dark blue.

 _Monster! They'd cry._  His reflection sneered.

"Shut up." He whispered.

_Kill it! They'd scream._

"Shut up."

_It's going to take our children and destroy us all!_

"Shut up!" Loki screamed, grabbing his book and hurling it at the mirror. It shattered, scattering to bits on the floor. He fell to his knees, trembling with tears streaming down his face.

"Loki?" A sleepy voice called.

Loki's eyes widened and he looked to the door. There was a soft knock before the door crept open. Tony walked in and stopped, staring blankly at the scene that lay before him. Loki looked away, shame rising up.

Tony didn't say anything as he walked over to Loki.

"Come on Lokes," he said softly. "Let's get you to bed."

He held out his hand. Loki stared at it for a moment, before grabbing it and allowing Tony to pull him up. He started to led him away and out of the room.

"Tony wait," Loki muttered. He glanced back at the mess of glass on the once clean carpet. "What about the glass-"

"We'll deal with it tomorrow." Tony interrupted. He tugged Loki's hand and they began to walk again.

Loki was silent when Tony led him to his bedroom. He was silent when Tony pulled him into the bed. He was silent when Tony guided his head to his chest.

"Lokes," he said quietly after a few minutes of silence. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Loki squeezed his eyes shut and hid his face in Tony's shirt.

Tony stroked his hair, occasionally pressing a soft kiss on his head. He wrapped an arm around Loki, hugging him tightly.

"Whenever you're ready sweetheart." He murmured.

Tears pricked at his eyes. "Tony," he whispered. Tony hummed in response. "I..." He swallowed, a few stray tears escaping his eyes. "Am I a monster?"

He felt Tony stiffened and he began to tremble with fear. Oh no, why did he have to say something? Tony surely hated him now, why else would he-

"Loki, why would you even think that?"

Loki's eyes widened and he looked up at his lover. "I... What?"

Tony cupped his face, staring at him with a tenderness that Loki didn't think would ever be directed at him.

"You are not a monster." He said firmly.

"But I... I killed people and I..." He trailed off.

"Lokes," Tony said quietly. "I've killed people too. The weapons I've created got into the wrongs hands. I gave them the chance to hurt people and they took it. I didn't even think twice about it. I just kept supplying more."

"But that wasn't your fault." Loki protested. "You didn't know who they were going to."

"I shouldn't have been making them in the first place," Tony said.

"But that still doesn't-"

"Loki," Tony interrupted again. "You weren't at fault for the invasion. Thanos had you under his control remember?"

Loki bit his lip. "I... That's not..."

"Is something else bothering you?" Tony asked, concern shining in his brown eyes. He stroked Loki's cheek with his thumb and pressed a kiss to his nose. "You can tell me anything love."

He stared at those kind eyes and for a second, he thought maybe, just maybe, he could tell his love the truth. But then he thought of how disgusted he would be if he were to see his true form. How he would hate him. He couldn't afford to lose Tony.

He closed his eyes and leaned into the gentle touch.

"I'm fine."

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on my Tumblr [buckybarnes-fangirl](https://buckybarnes-fangirl.tumblr.com/)!


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